The Merkelemma

(The) Merkelemma: A choice between two differently shitty alternatives that inspires a strong leader to step in and actually transform bad shit into good beer.

Macron Rex

Macron Rex: A modern French take on the old Greek play Oedipus Rex in which the protagonist, Macron, a happy-go-lucky simpleton, becomes reconciled to the fact that he had married his mother and slays an evil witch with his pen by way of atonement as he shouts “En marche!”

Merdocracy

Merdocracy: According to the French philosopher, Voltaire, Merdocratie or Merdocracy is the natural and permanent state of affairs in which humanity finds herself and which he characterized as “nasty, brutish and far too long.” It’s no surprise, then, that Voltaire was an early advocate of assisted suicide, as well as all kinds of suicide. And birth control. And abortion, even late term. But he embraced life, once it was dragged out of the womb, kicking and screaming, wishing to be put back, sensing the merde storm about to hit it. Voltaire believed that, once we are born, we are all entitled to face the shit to come on our own terms. Or, as he cryptically put it: “Nous avons tous droit à notre propre merde.” Translation: “We are all entitled to our own shit.”  

The Merkeling

The Merkeling: An old German pickling process involving pigs shit and stale beer. Although the end product, the Merkelkraut, was only meant to be used as animal feed booster during food shortages, and never for human consumption, certain restaurants catering to the rich and infamous are known to often feature it as a special delicacy. Indeed, in the United States, the Trump family seems to have a monopoly on Merkelkraut distribution and it is often found on the menus of Trump-owned restaurants. In political parlance, the term refers to letting certain decrepit political figure stew in their own fetid juices until the moment comes and they are unceremoniously dumped into that old dustbin of history. The invention of the Merkelkraut is attributed to a distant ancestor of German Chancellor, Angela Merkel. Helmut Merkel is considered a German folk hero and is often publicly toasted during Oktoberfest, seeing that his invention has often helped German farmers stay afloat during economic hard times. It’s the rise of Mrs. Merkel as a public figure that gave the term Merkeling its modern political connotation. But, while Mrs. Merkel’s list of merkeled political foes keeps growing the Chancellor herself seems to have long adopted a rather “meh” attitude about the whole thing.

The Merkelkraut

(The) Merkelkraut: A type of German pickles made of pig shit and stale beer and intended to boost animal diet during times of economic hardships for farmers. The Merkeling process was invented by Helmut Merkel, an ancient ancestor of the current German Chancellor, Angela Merkel. Because the invention of Merkelkraut has often proven a life-saver for farmers, Helmut is considered a national folk hero in Germany, and his name is often invoked during Oktoberfest. Recently, the Merkelkraut has also come to be used as a delicacy in restaurants catering to the rich and infamous. In the United States, the exclusive rights for Merkelkraut distribution belong to the Trump family. Merkelkraut is often featured on menus of restaurants owned by members of the Trump family. In Russia, the Kremlin controls Merkelkraut distribution through a network of local oligarchs with close ties to President Putin. The Germans themselves don't eat Merkelkraut but they seem to relish the opportunity for creating new markets for a high-revenue national product that can be mass-produced easily and cheaply.

The Merkel

(The) Merkel: A fortuitous and timely political development that represents a silver lining in otherwise darkened political skies.