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(The) Tap & Hack: 1) A traditional Russian folkdance characterized by energetic feet-shuffling, hand-wringing and pelvis-thrusts interspersed by pauses of loud ululation meant to awake the old Kievan god, Da┼żbog, a known heavy-sleeper, in the hope that he can join the people in their ongoing battle against the PoorPutin. 2) A political maneuver that involves doubling down on an already bad bet in the hope of enticing opponents to do the same thus drowning all in shit and obscuring culpability. 3) The name of a famous bar near Dupont Circle in Washington D.C. often frequented by White House staffers, Washingtonian policy experts and diplomats. 4) A sexual position favored by the more energetic types and often considered to be a mild form of S&M.

Technically: A political term meant to hide the truth. For example: The Nigerian military is close to meeting its December deadline to defeat the Boko Haram militant group, President Muhammadu Buhari told BBC late Wednesday. "I think, technically, we have won the war." Translation: We're nowhere near victory, and, in fact, we're getting our ass kicked.

(The) TED Balks: The mass departure, or balking, of audiences whenever Senator Ted Cruz shows up for an event, unless, that is, they were held at gun point. Sociologists and Mass Psychologists often refer to this phenomenon as a further proof of another phenomenon known as “wisdom of the crowd.”

Tedcruzemia: An ailment that befalls certain politicians making them see victory in defeat, acceptance in rejection and signs of likeability in mass hysterical gag reflexes at their very sight. The inflicted are the kind of politicians who often fail to get sincere endorsements even from their mothers. Physical manifestations of the disease include: severe halitosis, bloating of the innards and the ego alike, small oily hands, large yellowish toenails and fried brains.

TEDead (AKA UNTrusTED): A badly defeated politician who inspires little to no sympathy among his followers, including his family, on account of his effusively rancid personality. 

Terrorism: Terrible crimes centered on killing and meant to deliver a certain message of purported political or social import, though they are, in fact, nothing more than nihilistic acts of senseless rebellion driven by hate, self-loathing and despair mascaraing as commitment to a larger cause, albeit hate and lust for power is more often the prime motivators of those who end up as leaders of the terrorist organizations. In regard to popular perceptions, terrorism is often seen as a sensational though senseless crime perpetrated against “us” by certain “them” deemed as evil and foreign even if they were second or third generation citizens. The selfsame crimes, however, are celebrated as “necessary,” “justifiable” and “legitimate” acts of “resistance” by their perpetrators, their few sympathizers within the ranks of “them,” and their far more numerous sympathizers among the self-loathing segments found among “us.”

(A) Tifflock: A pitiful excuse for a warlock. In political parlance, the term is often used to refer to an all-around shitty leader. The term was first coined by famed American author Noam Flancy in his critically-acclaimed debut novel The Hunt for the Orange Tifflock whose main plot centers on a nation-wide grassroots effort to rid a usually great nation of a demonstrably shitty leader. Spoiler Alert: The surprise ending will leave you conflicted. 

Tink-Tank (Also, Tinkle-Tank): The temple where Delirealists (See Delirealism) gather to perform their communal worship, and discuss the latest exegeses by their scholars, which often deal with the banality of the human spirit and the presumptuousness of those who seek to be free from oppression.  

Tovarendim (Tovarishch + Effendim): a Russo-Turkish hybrid word whose meaning could be either "Your Excellency" or "You Asshole" depending on the context.  

(The) Trail of Dead Russians: A famous Russian theme park believed to have been founded by Ivan the Terrible. The park was expanded during the reign of Stalin and was recently renovated by Vladimir Putin. The park is meant to celebrate and reinforce the values of stability and security by showing the visitors the fate of all those who sought to rock the boat throughout Russian history, irrespective of whether they did it voluntarily and for the sake of some deep-seated aspiration for justice and freedom, or having been instructed to do so.  Foreign visitors to the park often get diagnosed with PTSD within hours of their visit. Others seem to be immune and have led perfectly abnormal lives despite repeated visits. Current American President, Donald J Trump, is known to be one of those visitors. Recently, French presidential candidate Marine Le Pen seems to have joined this exclusive club as well as she was taken on a quick tour of the park with President Putin acting as her guide. Mrs. Le Pen seems to be as perfectly abnormal upon her return to Paris as she was known to be before the visit.  

(The) Trolling Stone: An old tweet used to discredit and taunt someone by reminding them of their earlier stance on a particular issue. Although the practice dates back to the early days of Twitter, it has come in vogue particularly during the Trump administration with critics of President Trump using some of his old tweets to troll him, prompting the President to make his by now historic statement: “He amongst you who’s without a contradictory stand, let him retweet the first trolling stone.”  

Truly: See Actually.

Trumbuktu: An alternate reality where white people are the Christian masters of all other races, on earth and across the Universe, and where all these other races are happy with their lot, serving their deserving masters with joy and contentment, willingly building the required separation walls and trenches to help the White Race preserve its divine purity.

Trumpcasm: A foolish comment that often smacks of treason and is made by a public figure, often a politician or someone running for political office. In response to the public uproar it inevitably engenders, the comment is often recanted and dismissed as having been sarcastic in nature by the figures in question or their spokespeople. Not to be confused with… 

(The) Trump Chasm: A wide gulf separating certain public figures from sanity and decency. 

Trumpeces: A viral disease that affects the brain resulting in the production of the brain’s equivalent of fecal matter, unsurprisingly known as “the brown matter,” which, once it reaches a certain threshold, leads to a severe case of sepsis, random firing of neurons, and the poisoning of the infected’s mind, soul and thoughts. Although the disease is known to be always present on a small scale in various spots around the world, major outbreaks are known to happen every two to three decades, often resulting in rise of fascist currents in countries around the world. The affected population is usually referred to as the Trumpen Proletariat. But the virus itself is known as the Trumpioca Virus, and is known to emerge in clusters buried in one’s own feces. Trumpioca can only be passed to the brain through direct and regular consumption of mass quantities of infected fecal matter over a longer period of time, usually 2-4 months. This makes the recurrence of major outbreaks of the disease, or any outbreaks of it for that matter, a rather baffling phenomenon for scientists who are at a loss when it comes to understanding why so many people who could afford regular food choose to gorge themselves on infected feces over a long period of time, considering that even populations hard hit by famine tend to avoid consuming fecal matter. The issue continues to be hotly debated in medical circles around the world, with most scientists agreeing that further field research is needed.

(The) Trumpen Broletariat: A previously secret society made up of white racist and misogynistic men who willingly admit a few women and minorities into its ranks by way of a bad inside joke as well as to clean the dishes, wash the dirty laundry and continuously polish the society’s image. The society’s has recently shed away its veil of secrecy in favor of a more overt take-over of the Republican Party. Not to be confused with the Trumpen Proletariat. 

(The) Trumpen Proletariat:  See Trumpeces.

(The) Trumpioca Virus: See Trumpeces.  

Trumpledore: A wizard that lacks wisdom, mirth and intelligence, but who has lots of money, which makes all the difference.  

(The) Trumplitias (AKA the Orange Heads): An aspirational modern-day American equivalent of the Brown Shirts where membership seems based on IQ scores, the lower they are the higher the rank, the louder the voice and the smaller the hands. 

(The) Trumpoline: A political journey of self-discovery that involves repeated highs and lows, climax and anti-climax, all measured using an instrument known as the PAS, or the Pure Assholery Scale. A politician who embarks on this journey has to be an asshole to begin with. His moments of High Assholery usually coincide with his ability to inspire similar behavior among friends and enemies alike. Moments of low assholery, on the other hand, coincide with a more restricted ability to inspire imitation, usually involving only the faithful followers, and some of the most ardent enemies. Social mathematicians have recently developed the Assholery Flux Index (AFI) to describe the dynamics of ongoing rhythmic fluctuations of so-called Assholeric Behavior in politicians and other public figures, by monitoring the range of Assholeric micro-behaviors over time as being a function of Ego (E), Stupidity (S), Greed (G) and Unenlightened Indifference (UI). Or to put it in mathematical terms:











Where DoC stands for: Dawn of Consciousness, and IRQs for: Inherent Remedial Qualities.

Thus, each Assholery Flux Index corresponds to a particular range of Assholeric Behavior on the Pure Assholery Scale. An AFI >= 1 corresponds with a range of behavior that is severely anti-climactic in nature on PAS, while an AFI <= 10 corresponds with a range of behavior that is High or Climactic on PAS, and so on. 

Trumpon: 1) A politician or an entrepreneur, or an entrepreneur turned politician, or vice versa, whose successes seem to come as a direct and obvious result of a long series of deals with the Devil Himself. 2) A type of tampon made for men who suffer from a chronic case of hemorrhoids. 

(The) Trumpone: A modern musical instrument in the orange brass family currently popular among certain White American Tribes. To an outsider, its sounds may mimic bowl movements, but to members of the tribes, the sounds the Trumpone seem to have a mesmerizing and hypnotic effect that can, depending on the particular combination of notes, generously speaking, put them into deep blissful sleep, cause amnesia coupled with a distorted view of reality, or, as some reports claim, rouse them into bouts of uncontrollable rage making them behave, more or less, like hordes of hungry dancing piranhas around the carcass of an unfortunate sacrificial bull.

(The) TrumpSisi: A mythical sphinxlike creature with orange fur known for embarking on murderous rampages whenever he is reminded of his squirrel-sized brain and penis. 

Trumpshitting: A unique formula for bullshitting introduced by now president of the United States, Donald J. Trump. The formula goes as follows: lie, lie biglier, lie crassier, then, lie with a smile and most people, even your enemies, will think that you have finally become presidential. Trump’s address to the Joint Session on February 28, 2017 is considered to be a great example of the formula in action. The most effective way for fighting against the effects of Trumpshitting calls for waiting for a period of 5-10 minutes allowing for Mr. Trump to begin lying biglier and crassier again – something that seems to come more naturally to him. 

(The) TrumPutin: A nightmarish creature whose birth was first prophesized by the Keepers of the Holy Deliricon at the end of 2015 – a prophecy  that, in the aftermath of the 2016 Republican National Convention, can be said to have been officially fulfilled. The TrumPutin is a shapeshifting vampirical creature known to feed on the dreams, desires and aspirations as well as the fears, prejudices and delusions of its avowed followers. To stoke the levels of fear and delusions present, the TrumPutin is known to enter into secret, and occasionally even open, alliances with the known enemies of its followers in a macabre symbiotic relation that keep their peoples’ brains in a perpetual state of mushiness allowing for their continued enslavement.

Trump Ties: 1) A special variety of neckties known for their versatility during sex games, as behoove ties designed by Russians, made in China and meant to be worn by assholes. 2) In political parlance, the term refers to the kind of bonds that develop between psychopathic characters that make them indispensable to each other despite their conflicting long-term interests. 

Trumpweet: A special type of Tweets that brings much attention coupled with big headaches to the Twitterati involved, proving that not all publicity ends up being good. Not to be confused with Trumpweed.

Trumpweed: A highly toxic herb known to induce bouts of insanity, indecency and moral turpitude among those who come in close contact with it. Currently, it is known to grow only on Donald J. Trump's head.

TrumpZeroCare: A healthcare plan designed to cull down the herd.

Twitterrhea: Bouts of effusive nonstop tweeting caused by the sudden rise of heated fumes emanating from the fecal matter of the afflicted to the cognitive areas in their brain setting part of it on fire and forcing the afflicted to seek release through tweeting and, more often, shtweeting. In the United States, the disease has come to be known as the Donald Trump Disease or DTD. At this stage, there is no known cure for DTD, but, since the disease has far more adverse effects on those exposed to the tweets of the afflicted than on the afflicted himself, imbeachment has been recommended by doctors and psychologists as the most effective coping mechanism.  



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