(The) Tap & Hack: 1) A
traditional Russian folkdance characterized by energetic feet-shuffling,
hand-wringing and pelvis-thrusts interspersed by pauses of loud ululation meant
to awake the old Kievan god, Dažbog,
a known heavy-sleeper, in the hope that he can join the people in their ongoing
battle against the PoorPutin.
2) A political maneuver that involves doubling down on an already bad bet in
the hope of enticing opponents to do the same thus drowning all in shit and
obscuring culpability. 3) The name of a famous bar near Dupont Circle in
Washington D.C. often frequented by White House staffers, Washingtonian policy
experts and diplomats. 4) A sexual position favored by the more energetic types
and often considered to be a mild form of S&M.
Technically: A political term meant to hide the truth. For example: The Nigerian military is close to meeting its December deadline to defeat the Boko Haram militant group, President Muhammadu Buhari told BBC late Wednesday. "I think, technically, we have won the war." Translation: We're nowhere near victory, and, in fact, we're getting our ass kicked.
(The) TED Balks: The
mass departure, or balking, of audiences whenever Senator Ted Cruz shows up for
an event, unless, that is, they were held at gun point. Sociologists and Mass
Psychologists often refer to this phenomenon as a further proof of another phenomenon
known as “wisdom of
the crowd.”
Tedcruzemia: An
ailment that befalls certain politicians making them see victory in defeat,
acceptance in rejection and signs of likeability in mass hysterical gag
reflexes at their very sight. The inflicted are the kind of politicians who
often fail to get sincere endorsements even from their mothers. Physical
manifestations of the disease include: severe halitosis, bloating of the
innards and the ego alike, small oily hands, large yellowish toenails and fried
brains.
TEDead (AKA UNTrusTED): A
badly defeated politician who inspires little to no sympathy among his
followers, including his family, on account of his effusively rancid
personality.
Terrorism: Terrible
crimes centered on killing and meant to deliver a certain message of purported
political or social import, though they are, in fact, nothing more than
nihilistic acts of senseless rebellion driven by hate, self-loathing and
despair mascaraing as commitment to a larger cause, albeit hate and lust for
power is more often the prime motivators of those who end up as leaders of the
terrorist organizations. In regard to popular perceptions, terrorism is often
seen as a sensational though senseless crime perpetrated against “us” by
certain “them” deemed as evil and foreign even if they were second or third
generation citizens. The selfsame crimes, however, are celebrated as
“necessary,” “justifiable” and “legitimate” acts of “resistance” by their
perpetrators, their few sympathizers within the ranks of “them,” and their far
more numerous sympathizers among the self-loathing segments found among “us.”
Terrorist Attacks: Hate crimes committed
by non-white non-Christian individuals and groups. Also see Hate Crimes.
(A) Tifflock: A pitiful
excuse for a warlock. In political parlance, the term is often used to refer to
an all-around shitty leader. The term was first coined by famed American author
Noam Flancy in his critically-acclaimed debut novel The Hunt for the Orange
Tifflock whose main plot centers on a nation-wide grassroots effort to rid
a usually great nation of a demonstrably shitty leader. Spoiler Alert:
The surprise ending will leave you conflicted.
Tink-Tank (Also, Tinkle-Tank): The
temple where Delirealists (See Delirealism) gather to perform their
communal worship, and discuss the latest exegeses by their scholars, which
often deal with the banality of the human spirit and the presumptuousness of
those who seek to be free from oppression.
Tovarendim (Tovarishch +
Effendim): a Russo-Turkish hybrid word whose meaning could be either
"Your Excellency" or "You Asshole" depending on the
context.
(The) Trail of Dead Russians: A famous
Russian theme park believed to have been founded by Ivan the Terrible. The park
was expanded during the reign of Stalin and was recently renovated by Vladimir
Putin. The park is meant to celebrate and reinforce the values of stability and
security by showing the visitors the fate of all those who sought to rock the
boat throughout Russian history, irrespective of whether they did it
voluntarily and for the sake of some deep-seated aspiration for justice and
freedom, or having been instructed to do so. Foreign visitors to the park often get
diagnosed with PTSD within hours of their visit. Others seem to be immune and
have led perfectly abnormal lives despite repeated visits. Current American
President, Donald J Trump, is known to be one of those visitors. Recently,
French presidential candidate Marine Le Pen seems to have joined this exclusive
club as well as she was taken on a quick tour of the park with President Putin
acting as her guide. Mrs. Le Pen seems to be as perfectly abnormal upon her return
to Paris as she was known to be before the visit.
(The) Trolling Stone: An old tweet
used to discredit and taunt someone by reminding them of their earlier stance
on a particular issue. Although the practice dates back to the early days of
Twitter, it has come in vogue particularly during the Trump administration with
critics of President Trump using some of his old tweets to troll him, prompting
the President to make his by now historic statement: “He amongst you who’s without
a contradictory stand, let him retweet the first trolling stone.”
Truly: See Actually.
Trumpcasm: A foolish comment that often smacks of treason and is made by a public figure, often a politician or someone running for political office. In response to the public uproar it inevitably engenders, the comment is often recanted and dismissed as having been sarcastic in nature by the figures in question or their spokespeople. Not to be confused with…
Trumbuktu: An alternate reality where white people are the Christian masters of all other races, on earth and across the Universe, and where all these other races are happy with their lot, serving their deserving masters with joy and contentment, willingly building the required separation walls and trenches to help the White Race preserve its divine purity.
Trumpcasm: A foolish comment that often smacks of treason and is made by a public figure, often a politician or someone running for political office. In response to the public uproar it inevitably engenders, the comment is often recanted and dismissed as having been sarcastic in nature by the figures in question or their spokespeople. Not to be confused with…
(The) Trump Chasm: A wide gulf separating certain public figures from sanity and decency.
Trumpeces: A viral disease
that affects the brain resulting in the production of the brain’s equivalent of
fecal matter, unsurprisingly known as “the brown matter,” which, once it
reaches a certain threshold, leads to a severe case of sepsis, random firing of
neurons, and the poisoning of the infected’s mind, soul and thoughts. Although
the disease is known to be always present on a small scale in various spots
around the world, major outbreaks are known to happen every two to three
decades, often resulting in rise of fascist currents in countries around the
world. The affected population is usually referred to as the Trumpen
Proletariat. But the virus itself is known as the Trumpioca Virus,
and is known to emerge in clusters buried in one’s own feces. Trumpioca can only
be passed to the brain through direct and regular consumption of mass
quantities of infected fecal matter over a longer period of time, usually 2-4
months. This makes the recurrence of major outbreaks of the disease, or any
outbreaks of it for that matter, a rather baffling phenomenon for scientists
who are at a loss when it comes to understanding why so many people who could
afford regular food choose to gorge themselves on infected feces over a long
period of time, considering that even populations hard hit by famine tend to
avoid consuming fecal matter. The issue continues to be hotly debated in
medical circles around the world, with most scientists agreeing that further
field research is needed.
(The) Trumpen Broletariat: A
previously secret society made up of white racist and misogynistic men who
willingly admit a few women and minorities into its ranks by way of a bad
inside joke as well as to clean the dishes, wash the dirty laundry and
continuously polish the society’s image. The society’s has recently shed away
its veil of secrecy in favor of a more overt take-over of the Republican Party.
Not to be confused with the Trumpen Proletariat.
(The) Trumpen Proletariat: See
Trumpeces.
Trümperdämmerung: An American saga
that recounts the last days of a dynasty of racist charlatans as they fall from
a state of contrived grace into the Shitbin of History.
(The) Trumpioca Virus: See
Trumpeces.
Trumpledore: A wizard that
lacks wisdom, mirth and intelligence, but who has lots of money, which makes
all the difference.
(The) Trumplitias (AKA the
Orange Heads): An aspirational modern-day American equivalent of the
Brown Shirts where membership seems based on IQ scores, the lower they are the
higher the rank, the louder the voice and the smaller the hands.
(The) Trumpoline: A
political journey of self-discovery that involves repeated highs and lows,
climax and anti-climax, all measured using an instrument known as the PAS, or
the Pure Assholery Scale. A politician who embarks on this journey has to be an
asshole to begin with. His moments of High Assholery usually coincide with his
ability to inspire similar behavior among friends and enemies alike. Moments of
low assholery, on the other hand, coincide with a more restricted ability to
inspire imitation, usually involving only the faithful followers, and some of
the most ardent enemies. Social mathematicians have recently developed the
Assholery Flux Index (AFI) to describe the dynamics of ongoing rhythmic
fluctuations of so-called Assholeric Behavior in politicians and other public
figures, by monitoring the range of Assholeric micro-behaviors over time as
being a function of Ego (E), Stupidity (S), Greed (G) and Unenlightened
Indifference (UI). Or to put it in mathematical terms:
Where DoC stands for: Dawn of
Consciousness, and IRQs for: Inherent Remedial Qualities.
Thus, each Assholery Flux Index
corresponds to a particular range of Assholeric Behavior on the Pure Assholery
Scale. An AFI >= 1 corresponds with a range of behavior that is
severely anti-climactic in nature on PAS, while an AFI <=
10 corresponds with a range of behavior that is High or Climactic on PAS,
and so on.
Trumpon: 1) A
politician or an entrepreneur, or an entrepreneur turned politician, or vice
versa, whose successes seem to come as a direct and obvious result of a long
series of deals with the Devil Himself. 2) A type of tampon made for men who
suffer from a chronic case of hemorrhoids.
(The) Trumpone: A
modern musical instrument in the orange brass family currently popular among
certain White American Tribes. To an outsider, its sounds may mimic bowl
movements, but to members of the tribes, the sounds the Trumpone seem to have a
mesmerizing and hypnotic effect that can, depending on the particular
combination of notes, generously speaking, put them into deep
blissful sleep, cause amnesia coupled with a distorted view of reality, or, as
some reports claim, rouse them into bouts of uncontrollable rage making them
behave, more or less, like hordes of hungry dancing piranhas around the carcass
of an unfortunate sacrificial bull.
(The) TrumpSisi: A mythical sphinxlike
creature with orange fur known for embarking on murderous rampages whenever he
is reminded of his squirrel-sized brain and penis.
Trumpshitting: A unique
formula for bullshitting introduced by now president of the United States,
Donald J. Trump. The formula goes as follows: lie, lie biglier, lie
crassier, then, lie with a smile and most people, even your enemies, will think
that you have finally become presidential. Trump’s address to the Joint
Session on February 28, 2017 is considered to be a great example of the formula
in action. The most effective way for fighting against the effects of Trumpshitting
calls for waiting for a period of 5-10 minutes allowing for Mr. Trump to begin lying
biglier and crassier again – something that seems to come more naturally to him.
(The) TrumPutin: A
nightmarish creature whose birth was first
prophesized by the Keepers of the Holy Deliricon at the end of 2015 – a
prophecy that, in the aftermath of the 2016 Republican National
Convention, can be said to have been officially fulfilled. The TrumPutin is
a shapeshifting vampirical creature known to feed on the dreams, desires and
aspirations as well as the fears, prejudices and delusions of its avowed followers.
To stoke the levels of fear and delusions present, the TrumPutin is known to
enter into secret, and occasionally even open, alliances with the known enemies
of its followers in a macabre symbiotic relation that keep their peoples’
brains in a perpetual state of mushiness allowing for their continued
enslavement.
Trump Ties: 1) A special
variety of neckties known for their versatility during sex games, as behoove
ties designed by Russians, made in China and meant to be worn by assholes. 2) In
political parlance, the term refers to the kind of bonds that develop between psychopathic
characters that make them indispensable to each other despite their conflicting
long-term interests.
Trumpweet: A special
type of Tweets that brings much attention coupled with big headaches to the
Twitterati involved, proving that not all publicity ends up being good. Not to
be confused with Trumpweed.
Trumpweed: A highly toxic herb known to induce bouts of insanity, indecency and moral turpitude among those who come in close contact with it. Currently, it is known to grow only on Donald J. Trump's head.
TrumpZeroCare: A healthcare plan
designed to cull down the herd.
Twitterrhea: Bouts of effusive
nonstop tweeting caused by the sudden rise of heated fumes emanating from the
fecal matter of the afflicted to the cognitive areas in their brain setting part
of it on fire and forcing the afflicted to seek release through tweeting and, more
often, shtweeting.
In the United States, the disease has come to be known as the Donald Trump
Disease or DTD. At this stage, there is no known cure for DTD, but, since the disease
has far more adverse effects on those exposed to the tweets of the afflicted than
on the afflicted himself, imbeachment
has been recommended by doctors and psychologists as the most effective coping mechanism.
