B

(The) Benign Wench: See the Donald.

Banadora's Box: According to Arab mythology, Princess Banadora so loved that red sweet-sour fruit known to us as the Tomato that she gave her very name to it. She, then, built a magic box that can transform anything one puts in it into tomatoes, or banadoras. Unsurprisingly, ancient peoples tried to avoid storing their precious belongings in Banadora’s Box, except during time of drought and famine where the Box became their main lifeline. In modern times, the term is used to refer to bad investments, such as investing in hedge funds and buying bonds based on securities resulting from bundling subprime mortgages, or trusting a Realist President.

(The) Bannonites: Members of a radical religious sect known for its devotion to shitheads and its active promotion of an attitude of general shittiness towards others, especially Muslims and Jews. The sect was founded in the early 21st century by a shadowy figure known simply as Bannon the Stiff whose own origins remain a mystery to date – a saga shrouded in shit and mediocrity despite the man's belief in his own necessity. In certain obscure texts attributed to the sect, Bannon is said to have been born in an outhouse in the town of Shitswhatswecallit on the western banks of the Pussyssippi River. The sect has recently gone global and has cultivated grassroots following in many European countries especially France where its followers are known as Lepentomimes, and the UK where they are known as the Wily Faragers.

Bannon the Stiff: The Founder of the Bannonite religious sect, said to have been born in the town of Shitswhatswecallit on the western of the Pussyssippi River.

(The) Benjamin Netanyahu Disease (AKA the BENNET Syndrome): A new virulent variety of an old disease caused by a viral infection currently thriving in the Middle East. It’s characterized by having too much hate in one’s heart that it ends up frying one’s brain, turning one into a veritable psychopathic “Yahu.” Scientists also refer to indifference and cynicism as being major contributing factors in the spread of the disease.

Example: Following the recent statements by Israeli Prime Benjamin Netanyahu in which he accused the Grand Mufti of Palestine of encouraging Hitler to exterminate the Jews, a statement belied by Germany’s Chancellor Angela Merkel, not to mention historical facts, medical scientists unanimously concluded that, by acting like such a “Yahu,” the Israeli PM seems to have contracted a new virulent variety of an old regional virus that turns people into raving loons.

Appropriately enough, the scientists decided to name this new strain of the virus and the new variant of the disease after Mr. Netanyahu, hence their reference to the Yahu Virus and the Benjamin Netanyahu Disease or the BENNET Syndrome. Sources at the CDC speak of genuine concerns that the new disease could soon become a global pandemic. In this regard, sources within the CDC refer to the existence of so many carriers of the Yahu Virus both in the Middle East and on the global stage.

“At any given moment,” said one CDC source speaking on conditions of anonymity due to the sensitive nature of the information he is providing, “the hate in the heart of a potential carrier could rise to a level that allows for the revival of the dormant strain which, considering the prevailing geopolitical conditions throughout the world, is likely to metastasize into the virulent variety currently observed in Mr. Netanyahu, thus, spreading the disease by a process of psychological osmosis.”

Indeed, psychological osmosis “has always been the primary conduit for spreading the Yahu Virus,” the source added, and the current geopolitical conditions which already show near catastrophic levels of indifference and cynicism, are bringing us ever closer to the “Yahu Moment,” that is, the point in time when the quantity of hateful figures, aka Yahu Agents, on the global scene reaches a certain tipping point allowing them to plunge the world into mayhem of apocalyptical proportions.

The Bennet Syndrome: See (The) Benjamin Netanyahu Disease under B.

The Berniemeisters (AKA The Bernie Brownie Gang): The American Progressive equivalent of the Swiss Guard, known for being clueless but hip-with-it. Members of this Post-Post-Modern Guard are known for their addiction to appreciation of a certain kind of brownies, hence their more common but less formal name: the Bernie Brownie Gang. 

Berniela: An alternate reality better described in John Lennon’s song “Imagine,” and better embodied in Charles Manson’s vision of Helter Skelter.

Blob-Beating: The modern equivalent of fighting windmills. Related terms: 1) Beat around the Blob: wasting one’s time by going through the motions of deceiving someone who’s already a willing party to the deception. Usually used in the negative, as in: don’t beat around the blob, just tell me what you need me to do. 2) To Beat One’s Blob: to masturbate, more often in the intellectual sense of making oneself appear more intelligence, in charge, or powerful than they usually are.

(The) Blobbening: The process by which reasonably intelligent and conscientious human beings are transformed into morally apathetic dolts. The process usually involves repeated turning of the other cheek until both cheeks are completely numb, at which point the ongoing beating can be safely ignored. Moreover, the process is usually facilitated by an ideological predisposition to believe in certain lies and comforting illusions, such as the proposition that, when it comes to politics, people will eventually behave rationally, and that the propensity for doing stupid shit can be effectively countered by doing nothing at all, that is, until one can’t really hold it anymore at which point soiling oneself is seen as “no biggy.”

(The) Blobber: 1) A thick layer of pure assholery found just under the skin of certain politicians, journalists, pundits and other public figures. The layer is thought to be the result of excess deposits of ideological bullshit in the brain. 2) A kind of political gibberish designed for the specific purpose of making a twit of a politician sound reasonably intelligent.

Boris ShortFangs: an artist rendering
Boris ShortFangs (AKA Boris the Bullocker): A mythical British court jester who dared dream of becoming king. He inflated his ego and further reduced the size of his brain and heart, and some say even his hands, but, ironically enough, not his hair, and that, according to some versions of the tale, was enough for him to, at least, qualify for the run to become head of the state, albeit one that was far diminished by his presence, both physically and morally. These were the worst of times.

Brain Halitosis: See Farticle.

(The) Breitbannonite: A type of anal eruption associated with being afflicted with the LePen Hemorrhoid.

(The) Brown Matter: See Trumpeces.

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