Actually (also: Truly): A
political term signaling the beginning of a big lie. For Example: “I actually
do like President Obama, and I truly think he’s a nice and decent human being,”
said prodemocracy activist Ammar Abdulhamid in an interview on Christmas Eve
with Sod Off Magazine. Translation not necessary.
Alternative Fat (aka Alt-Fat): In
political parlance, alternative fat is actually a term of endearment for
whoever wields influence over the thinking of a major political figure, such as
the president of the United States.
American Rhodesia: In
Washingtonian lore, Rhodesia represents a mythical colony where amorality,
indifference and moral apathy are presumed to represent sound policy and said
to have no consequences of note. Its capital, Obamala, is rumored to be
inhabited by a proud people famed for their love of calculus, disengagement,
the Shirk ‘N’ Shift and not doing stupid shit like giving the occasional damn
or fuck even as horrible things transpire. Indeed, the Obamalites are said to
have long traded their damns for drones, and their moral sense for cheap
incense.
Anal Eruptions: Explosive
bowl movements consisting of blood and bile common among those afflicted with
the large external hemorrhoid known as the LePen.
Doctors have so far classified the eruption types into four categories on the
basis of their frequency, intensity and malodorousness, including: Evolian,
Goebbelsian, Duginian and Breitbannonite.
Anal Oral Confusion: An
affliction that enables people to use their asses for thinking and anuses for
speaking, while simultaneously transforming their mouths into conduits for
defecation, urination and copulation.
Assad: (Ass + Sad): A
sad and lonely anus whose continuous involuntary shitting can only be cured by
the medievalist practice of impalement. An old ‘Alawite smuggler who lived
in a small mountainous village in northern Syria in early Twentieth Century
decided to adopt the epithet as his family name by way of acknowledging and
embracing his shitty lot in the world, and that of anyone fool enough to expect
any good to come out of someone’s sad anus.
(The) AssPut: An
offer put forward by one asshole to another the deceptive and desperate nature
of which is too obvious to allow it to be seriously entertained.
(The) AssPutin: A
political animal formed out of the unholy union of two genocidal autocrats: one
a consummate idiot, the other a consummate killer. The union can only take
place in an environment rich with pure apathy and moral decrepitude, conditions
known to affect the entire planet from time to time, producing a plethora of
AssPutins, AssPutin wannabes, and conflicts.
