Actually (also: Truly): A political term signaling the beginning of a big lie. For Example: “I actually do like President Obama, and I truly think he’s a nice and decent human being,” said prodemocracy activist Ammar Abdulhamid in an interview on Christmas Eve with Sod Off Magazine. Translation not necessary. 

Alternative Fat (aka Alt-Fat): In political parlance, alternative fat is actually a term of endearment for whoever wields influence over the thinking of a major political figure, such as the president of the United States. 

American Rhodesia: In Washingtonian lore, Rhodesia represents a mythical colony where amorality, indifference and moral apathy are presumed to represent sound policy and said to have no consequences of note. Its capital, Obamala, is rumored to be inhabited by a proud people famed for their love of calculus, disengagement, the Shirk ‘N’ Shift and not doing stupid shit like giving the occasional damn or fuck even as horrible things transpire. Indeed, the Obamalites are said to have long traded their damns for drones, and their moral sense for cheap incense.  

Anal Eruptions: Explosive bowl movements consisting of blood and bile common among those afflicted with the large external hemorrhoid known as the LePen. Doctors have so far classified the eruption types into four categories on the basis of their frequency, intensity and malodorousness, including: Evolian, Goebbelsian, Duginian and Breitbannonite.

Anal Oral Confusion: An affliction that enables people to use their asses for thinking and anuses for speaking, while simultaneously transforming their mouths into conduits for defecation, urination and copulation. 

Assad: (Ass + Sad): A sad and lonely anus whose continuous involuntary shitting can only be cured by the medievalist practice of impalement. An old ‘Alawite smuggler who lived in a small mountainous village in northern Syria in early Twentieth Century decided to adopt the epithet as his family name by way of acknowledging and embracing his shitty lot in the world, and that of anyone fool enough to expect any good to come out of someone’s sad anus. 

(The) AssPut: An offer put forward by one asshole to another the deceptive and desperate nature of which is too obvious to allow it to be seriously entertained.

(The) AssPutin: A political animal formed out of the unholy union of two genocidal autocrats: one a consummate idiot, the other a consummate killer. The union can only take place in an environment rich with pure apathy and moral decrepitude, conditions known to affect the entire planet from time to time, producing a plethora of AssPutins, AssPutin wannabes, and conflicts.