Club Shit: A safe
haven for all those illegally obtained funds of the Shitty and Infamous.
Contrarian Thoughts Repellent
(CTR): A top-secret industrial drug made available in the form of body
spray but only to certain high-level politicians and other public figures from
around the world. The drug is said to make its users particularly impervious to
any argument that goes contrary to their deeply cherished beliefs, no matter
how rational it happens to be and irrespective of the amount of direct evidence
supporting it. U.S. President Barack Obama is believed to be “highly reliant”
on the drug, with former members of his administration claiming that he is, in
fact, a full-blown addict. Other well-known figures known for their CTR
addiction include: American presidential candidates Donald Trump and Bernie
Sanders, Syrian Dictator and Maniac-in-Chief Bashar Al-Assad, and Russian
potentate Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin.
(The) Conway-Spicer Conundrum:
A contemporary variant on the ancient puzzle that continues to befuddle political
scientists, sociologists and journalists, namely: how can one best deal with
chronic shameless bullshitters? The new variant is distinguished by the fact
that contemporary bullshitters seem to reflect an even greater resiliency to
objective facts and rational analysis making confrontation with them completely
unpalatable as well as an exercise in futility. Another aspect of the new
variant is the marked ability of the new bullshitters to go about their task even
without having to say a word sometimes, having succeeded in hypnotizing
many in their audience into bullshitting themselves.
An example of this telebullshitting phenomenon is the recently deployed KellyannePose, a brief action that involves doing something seemingly irreverential
and thoughtless but within the confines of a publicly hollowed space, then,
thanks to the Twitterverse, what could have been seen as a simple innocuous
action becomes a full-blown controversy, one that helps distract attention from
the general fuckupness of certain policies and facts, if only momentarily and
until a new Kellyanne Pose is struck. There is currently no consensus on how to
best confront the contemporary bullshitters, but recent experiences have amply
demonstrated that rolling one’s eyes and trying to mentally project oneself
into an alternative moment in space-time has not only failed as an approach,
but seems to have actually achieved the opposite effect, namely that of
empowering the bullshitters.
(The) Cotton Flynn: A special
machine that transforms shit into a cotton-like fabric favored by certain
political figures when it comes to the making of their formal attire, and, on
occasions, their hair pieces.
Couptagon: 1) A coup
d'état mounted by soldiers and/or mercenaries high on Captagon or similar
drugs. 2) An attacked carried out by a bunch alienated misfit high on
misdirected self-righteousness and atavistic ideology in addition to Captagon.
(The) Court Jester: Long defunct,
this official medieval position was revived by the Trump Administration soon
after it took office in early 2017 under the name of White House Spokesperson.
The move was initially met with bemusement which soon turned into shock,
disbelief and despair. While the original intent behind this controversial
institution was to amuse the king through recourse to buffoonery, the main task
of the modern iteration lies in distracting the general public from the President's
own buffoonery.
Cruzify-A-Muslim Day: An
annual event organized by the family of Senator Ted Cruz to teach Christian
compassion to Muslims by flailing few of them alive and burning bags full of
asylum applications submitted by Muslim refugees. The event has become so
popular, it is rumored the GOP plans to adopt it as a baptismal rite for
entering the RNC.
Czarsultanism: An
acute case of megalomania often observed among certain members of Zoa
Autocrata, a subspecies of the human genus known for its inherent,
nihilistic and perennial need for control and notice at any cost, especially
when said cost can be passed to other members of the said subspecies or members
of other subspecies of the said genus.
