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(The) Merkel: A fortuitous and timely political development that represents a silver lining in otherwise darkened political skies.

(The) Merkeling: An old German pickling process involving pigs shit and stale beer. Although the end product, the Merkelkraut, was only meant to be used as animal feed booster during food shortages, and never for human consumption, certain restaurants catering to the rich and infamous are known to often feature it as a special delicacy. Indeed, in the United States, the Trump family seems to have a monopoly on Merkelkraut distribution and it is often found on the menus of Trump-owned restaurants. In political parlance, the term refers to letting certain decrepit political figure stew in their own fetid juices until the moment comes and they are unceremoniously dumped into that old dustbin of history. The invention of the Merkelkraut is attributed to a distant ancestor of German Chancellor, Angela Merkel. Helmut Merkel is considered a German folk hero and is often publicly toasted during Oktoberfest, seeing that his invention has often helped German farmers stay afloat during economic hard times. It’s the rise of Mrs. Merkel as a public figure that gave the term Merkeling its modern political connotation. But, while Mrs. Merkel’s list of merkeled political foes keeps growing the Chancellor herself seems to have long adopted a rather “meh” attitude about the whole thing.

(The) Merkelkraut: A type of German pickles made of pigs shit and stale beer and intended to boost animal diet during times of economic hardships for farmers. The Merkeling process was invented by Helmut Merkel, an ancient ancestor of the current German Chancellor, Angela Merkel. Because the invention of Merkelkraut has often proven a life-saver for farmers, Helmut is considered a national folk hero in Germany, and his name is often invoked during Oktoberfest. Recently, the Merkelkraut has also come to be used as a delicacy in restaurants catering to the rich and infamous. In the United States, the exclusive rights for Merkelkraut distribution belong to the Trump family. Merkelkraut is often featured on menus of restaurants owned by members of the Trump family. 

Migraint: A new medical condition currently observed in Europe consisting of a particularly acute migraine. Scientists have noted a correlation between the spread of Migraint and the rise of the Migrants and Refugees Crisis. Further studies are needed to confirm this observation. Meanwhile doctors recommend a diet consisting of Cognac and tolerance to alleviate the symptoms of this potentially chronic condition.







(The) MitchMac Hack: See the Ryan Shtick.

(A) Moral Awakening: In the political world, calling for a moral awakening amounts to a Hail Mary pronouncement made in the hope of getting more and more people to think that the figure making the pronouncement is actually a “cool guy” who meant well and tried his best, irrespective of certain disastrous and amoral policies that he has championed. In other words, it’s the hope that more people will, in time, come to one’s way of thinking, and that history will one day and somehow vindicate one’s policies and decisions, moral considerations notwithstanding.

Mullanoma: A type of chronic itch that the afflicted can never hope to scratch no matter how hard they try. The itch is indeed known to drive certain of the afflicted, especially those dabbling in politics, to adopt ludicrous and self-defeating policies that end up empowering their enemies, both domestic and foreign. However, the medications often taken to relief the itch tend to have an overall dulling effect on all senses and sensations, thus allowing the afflicted to revel in imaged victories and accomplishments associated with the very defeatist policies they enacted. Currently, there are no effective treatments for mullanoma.  

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