Sunday, March 19, 2017

The Merkelkraut

(The) Merkelkraut: A type of German pickles made of pig shit and stale beer and intended to boost animal diet during times of economic hardships for farmers. The Merkeling process was invented by Helmut Merkel, an ancient ancestor of the current German Chancellor, Angela Merkel. Because the invention of Merkelkraut has often proven a life-saver for farmers, Helmut is considered a national folk hero in Germany, and his name is often invoked during Oktoberfest. Recently, the Merkelkraut has also come to be used as a delicacy in restaurants catering to the rich and infamous. In the United States, the exclusive rights for Merkelkraut distribution belong to the Trump family. Merkelkraut is often featured on menus of restaurants owned by members of the Trump family. In Russia, the Kremlin controls Merkelkraut distribution through a network of local oligarchs with close ties to President Putin. The Germans themselves don't eat Merkelkraut but they seem to relish the opportunity for creating new markets for a high-revenue national product that can be mass-produced easily and cheaply.

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