(The) Merkelkraut: A type
of German pickles made of pig shit and stale beer and intended to boost animal
diet during times of economic hardships for farmers. The Merkeling process was
invented by Helmut Merkel, an ancient ancestor of the current German Chancellor,
Angela Merkel. Because the invention of Merkelkraut has often proven a
life-saver for farmers, Helmut is considered a national folk hero in Germany,
and his name is often invoked during Oktoberfest. Recently, the Merkelkraut has
also come to be used as a delicacy in restaurants catering to the rich and
infamous. In the United States, the exclusive rights for Merkelkraut
distribution belong to the Trump family. Merkelkraut is often featured on menus
of restaurants owned by members of the Trump family. In Russia, the Kremlin
controls Merkelkraut distribution through a network of local oligarchs with
close ties to President Putin. The Germans themselves don't eat Merkelkraut but
they seem to relish the opportunity for creating new markets for a high-revenue
national product that can be mass-produced easily and cheaply.
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