Monday, May 22, 2017

(The) Holy Heavenly Orb of Riyadh


(The) Holy Heavenly Orb of Riyadh (AKA the HOHOR): One of the lesser known holy relics of Islam, the HOHOR is second in significance only to the Black Stone found at the corner of the Kaabah. But, while Muslims are required to make the pilgrimage to Mecca and kiss the Black Stone at least once in their lifetime, only a handful of people are called upon to touch the HOHOR. Failure to do so on a regular basis is said to result in dire consequences for all humanity, though no one can tell what these consequences are since no one has so far failed to regularly touch the HOHOR. It’s simply too enchanting. Conspiracy theorists who believe the HOHOR to be an alien artifact postulate that failure to touch the HOHOR could result in the formation of a mini black hole that could nonetheless suck in all of Earth if not the entire Solar System. For this reason many of them believe that the HOHOR is better kept under direct US or UN supervision. Saudi authorities, however, who consider themselves to be the official Guardians of the HOHOR, oppose such move saying that, in addition to being blasphemous, it represents a form of cultural appropriation; besides, they add, only Muslims can actually touch the HOHOR. The fact that U.S. President Donald Trump was allowed to touch the HOHOR during his visit to Saudi Arabia, they assert, proves that he is just another one of those secret American Muslims who have managed to maneuver their way into the White House. Indeed, there is a long list of such Muslims, we are told, all of whom allegedly belong to an old secret society known as the Order of the Orb (OOO) that has been running the United States since its birth. Conspiracy theories about Zionists, Free Masons, the Skulls and Bones Society and, more recently, the Muslim Brotherhood, are intentionally spread by members of the OOO in order to distract public attention from their existence. Ceremonies involving the HOHOR are usually held in secret, except during times of impending doom.

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